I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
