Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
