i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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