it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
