For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
