I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
