Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
