Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
