he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
