eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
