sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
