I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
