dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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