So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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