I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
