Swine flu. Run for my life!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
