this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My cat gives me a boner
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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