I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
