i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
