she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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