Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
