Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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