i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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