and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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