duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
