Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
