$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
