omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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