Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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