Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
