i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
