I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
