At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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