Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
