Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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