I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
