We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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