i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
