Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
