I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
