So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
