Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
