i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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