I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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