I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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