I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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