u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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