Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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