this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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