He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
