you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
