I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
