it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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