I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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