come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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