I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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