I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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