I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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