i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
