I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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